short funny affirmations short funny affirmations

Dave Barry I want to afford them., 2. Bill Murray Read the first word again. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Frances McDormand I tell you what always catches my eye. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Its called tomorrow. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 200. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Short people with an umbrella. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Why cant you play cards on a small boat? I will smile while I still have my teeth. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. 1. Bill Murray, 260. It gets toad away. 26. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 110. 49. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Short Positive Daily Affirmations. Funny positive affirmations do work. "I receive what I believe.". Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Superwoman: single. The best things in life are free. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. 223. 70. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Pat Sajak My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. I create my life on a quantum level. 133. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I'm a peli-can! Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 60. Jackie Collins No No NOYes. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 226. 274. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. - Unkmown. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. 230. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Microchips. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 145. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 1. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 191. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Because they make up everything. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. In the morning, I cant get up. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. So far, so good. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. 8. 5. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Never take life seriously. - Donald Trump. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". 256. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Its okay if people dont like me. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. I enjoy every minute of it. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 9. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. 9. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? - Bob Hope. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 155. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 42. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 69. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 142. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 111. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. Because he was always spotted. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Your words become your actions. 24. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 272. Yeah, so is a grenade. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 211. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Roy Lichtenstein When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. When nothing is going right, go left. 48. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Everyone brings happiness to this office. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Emphasis on the cool. Steven Wright Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Hes dreaming too. Hi! - Catherine Pulsifer. 105. 12. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 182. Send me the link. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 192. It just plain forms. -Gandhi. 23. 61. We'll get to that later. 139. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Never take life seriously. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? East Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 134. 100. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. I dont worry about getting older. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. I train my body. 205. 195. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 193. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 150. 206. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 2. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 211. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. 122. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Nothing, they just waved. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Confidence makes me powerful. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. We need to hear a pin drop. 52. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 115. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 4. I receive what I believe. Its okay if people dont like me. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. Sincerely, the floor. A backbone. 46. Art doesnt transform. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Benjamin Franklin. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 207. Those who snore always fall asleep first. Ive been doing nothing for years. 269. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. 39. 119. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. And a funny bone. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. 25. 99. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.