Theres no point in OP wasting her time on this dude and his sister. When my husband talked to me about it I had to make an effort to ease up and include him to make him part of our loud, rude family lol. This really sounds like the no MIL except with his sister this relationship isn't going to go far if he keeps his sister considerations above you. You'd pay attention to how your SO was feeling because it reads uncomfortable. It feels very awkward and uncomfortable to discuss. We both agree that op deserves alone time. You need to recognize that this is his family. Someone might fit with that and enjoy that. Get the hell out of there before you are trapped forever!!!!!!! A basic example: Ive been feeling ignored lately because it feels like you spend more time with your sister than you do with me and I want to spend time with you. Appyfzs example is great as well. Tell him that you dont want to be with someone who dont respect you and leave. But right now it sounds like she hasn't even confronted him about it yet. If this were like, a male friend in this dynamic rather than his sister it would feel just as upsetting and uncomfortable for you. Stop trying to make plans with him, stop trying to get his attention. From what I can conclude from your post, he will ditch you for his sister in a heartbeat. The perfect partnership isnt one thats conflict-free, its one that talks about solutions. In fact, its only going to make things worse. That's not a loving thing to do at all and this relationship sounds very one sided. I feel so bad for you, honestly this is really hurtful, you need to talk to your bf asap tell him you need alone time with him and you don't feel confortable including her in every date you go, either that or leave no one deserves third wheeling. October 17, 2022, 2:15 pm. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. You're hanging out with your boyfriend and his friends, and he just ignores you. F that noise. Or maybe he feels resentful because he thinks you don't give him enough time to himself. If your boyfriend is ignoring your texts in front of his friends, it might be because he's embarrassed to text you. He is young. I don't mean to hurt anyone and the best response is a great comeback. He doesn't prioritise you, you'd have the same problem if this was his friend. Walking away from someone who lacks basic sense and politeness is all right. He will get defensive if she tries to talk this out with him. He needs to be kind, considerate, loving - whatever you feel your NEEDS are, put them into words. I dont think that would change until you marry your boyfriend. Box 4666, Ventura, CA 93007 Request a Quote: petersburg, va register of deeds CSDA Santa Barbara County Chapter's General Contractor of the Year 2014! Youre too young to waste your time with someone immature who is an ass to you just to make his sister laugh. Im so tired of this communicate nonsense. Sometimes we just get shy or quiet around our significant others depending on the situation, and it doesn't mean anything bad! Talk to him and tell him how you feel. my boyfriend ignores me when his sister is around. Listen to some Lizzo and move on, there's loads of lads out there who won't pull this kind of he@dfuck. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. Do NOT drag his sister into the conversation. It's as simple as that -- if he can't do this basic thing, time to reconsider the relationship. Her boyfriend may not even realize how differently he is treating her vs his sister, or that she even cares about it. This is basically the words I'd be tempted to use. I wouldn't bother talking to him about his relationship with his sister - no matter how you put it it'll be too easy to say you're crazy and jealous. It turned out they have been having sex since they were like 13. My regrets are staying too long with people who showed me who they are the first time. Introverted partners tend to maintain a pretty close-held emotional circle, so it might take time before your boyfriend feels comfortable communicating with you while he's spending time with his friends. Again, I dont want to jump to conclusions but that's probably how it will end, if that happens, maybe consider breaking up with him. If, after you talk and he isnt interested in changing, then its your decision on if you look for someone who will take care of your emotional needs. Pearl Nash I pull the "dump him" trigger at the drop of a hat, but this seems like you should try to talk first. I miss spending time just us and he tends to leave me out a lot when she is around. I think they should at least talk about the issue before breaking up, if hes apologetic and want to make an effort to change, why not go from there? I reread the post a bunch of times now because I have no idea where people are jumping to that weird conclusion. He may be afraid of what they think about you or scared that they'll judge him for the way he behaves while you're around. This is a poor take. Your girlfriend isnt dating you seriously. Thats a common practice while playing certain games, and this seems like a case of Im sensitive about this thing that you may not realize is hurtful, Idk just my perspective on it! You need to communicate your needs. Tell him that he should do the same if he has anything on his mind. Be specific. His daughter will always be the most important person in his life. They are an online therapy platform in which you can call, text, or video chat with a therapist every week. When I finally have some free time to spend with family, Id much rather spend it with my daughters than with my wife. But you can legit just leave this dude. It's family so you've already lost. The solution to all your concerns are the same, communication. Go out together! Cally S (13) My boyfriend of 10 months ignores me when he as his kids, doesn't ring me or answer my calls and when I do txt him doesn't reply for anything up to 8 hours later or will reply when he nos I'll be in bed. Of course Ill hang out with my sister and her bf or my brother and his gf and them with mine. But if he was inviting his best friend along to every single date it'd be weird. I remember when I was 22 my testosterone levels would have demanded more attention than gaming. I really believe she needs to break up with him or he with her because I have a feeling she will not let this go. I think this is a difficult part of life for some young people to separate themselves from their family and realize their priority should be their SO(in a healthy manner of course). I would dump him and move on. is he trying to protect her from the world ? Unfortunately his sister is someone that will always be in his life and I can't see him changing. Again that is not okay. Stonewalling is a manipulation tactic. I know from personal experience that when I feel jealous I disengage from the group, when all that does is stick me deeper in my insecurities and further alienates my feelings from the rest of the group. It will also help you maintain your own sanity. No one should ever feel like the third wheel in their own relationship. Or 'don't insult girlfriends' or anyone. In the talk, focus on how his actions affect you. I dont feel like I get to spend quality time alone with you. But ultimately it resolves nothing and can do real damage to a relationship. And he isnt 17. They are obviously a platonic couple and you ARE the third wheel. How do I bring it up without sounding needy/crazy?, Reddit: Be an adult and communicate with him about your needs and boundaries. Why don't you date a guy who is kind to you, wants to hang out one-on-one, and who doesn't "jokingly" insult you? It's weird to invite your sibling on every date you go with your SO. Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. This is important cuz it is obvious that he loves her more than he loves loves you( at least that's what I understood from your post). If it started quite abruptly, like in a month or "hey, we're just two attractive people that barely know each other", it's normal to put family or best friends above everyone else :P It would be a huge turn off for me if someone that I just started dating felt insecure about my relationship with family or friends that I had for over years. Whats also true is that the more you chase someone the further they run. Just say you had tons fun and say thank you but you're not his type, Who brings their family members on dates? OK this is blunt but I'm gonna say it. She is asking to not be the butt of his jokes to his sister, not be treated like the third wheel. He seems to spend more time thinking about his sister than his girlfriend and its obvious he cares more about his sister than OP. Its not a random person. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and Ive spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. And stress that you want to go alone as a couple. Maybe Im looking too deep into this but 1) He knows she isnt a hardcore gamer, and she picked up the hobby to specifically spend time with him 2) He doesnt make jokes at her expense when its just 1 on 1 3) Its only when hes with his sister that he starts making mean spirited jokes. It can also be true if his friends are more conservative and you're a free-spirited person. Sure she is his sister, but his behavior of ridiculing you does not need to fall in line with having a good relationship with his sister. This is a standard guy behavior. are you someone to fill the hours until he can see his sister ? Yeah, I'm biased, but you all are pretty young. What to do when your boyfriend ignores you for days is probably going to be very different from what you do when he has been ignoring you for weeks. But nothing this extreme? Not me any my sister (lol), but thats another story. Your boyfriend isn't ignoring you because he doesn't care about you or because he wishes you weren't therehe's trying to fit in with his friends, and he doesn't know how to do that with you around. I once knew an 18 year old man with a lovely girlfriend he had been with for a year. Diagnosing Why Your Boyfriend is Ignoring You. I find it very odd that he wants her everywhere. There is a huge difference between getting positive attention and negative attention. Acts like you're not there. Is your boyfriend from Alabama? on the bright side he sounds like a great older brother for his sis. Are you not getting your daily dose of texts from the special girl of your life? You tend to interrupt conversations when he's talking to his friends. she wasn't into yoga so I was confused. After all, if youre not able to fix things the only other solution is to break up. If you havent had a fight but you feel like your boyfriend is ignoring you (for example, hes ignoring your texts and messages) he is most likely trying to avoid a situation he doesnt want to deal with. I feel like a third wheel around them and he always asks what her needs are instead of mine. No, it isn't weird for him to buy stuff for his little sister, even with you there. //I despise my deskmate. Only his presence annoys me so much. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating. Instead, wait until you are both calm and ready to talk before reaching out again. I want to start off saying that she has always been nice to me and that's why I feel so badly about feeling this way. So here recently my boyfriend has just been straight up ignoring me. Its like a coin toss to see which way the Mob will go. Yes, it applies to certain circumstances, but NOT all! So, the first step is to put some limits on how often you expect to hear from your boyfriend. When youre waiting for a text from your boyfriend, minutes can feel like hours. You might find that your boyfriend ignores you after an argument or when hes mad at you. You can choose to believe me or not. Yes but! If youve been arguing he may also be ignoring you as a way of trying to avoid any further conflict. You have a very valid reason to feel like that. He might be preoccupied with some emergency. There's no way for you to get what you want here without being the bad guy. You ghost weird stupid and toxic people because fuck em. 16 things to do when your boyfriend ignores you (complete guide) True love is still showing compassion, respect, and understanding towards your partner, even when you are dealing with relationship difficulties. Is this relationship salvageable. Yes follow this advice. If he keeps this up in future relationships he will find himself alone. For the record, now that I'm with someone who really does prioritize me life is so much better. And of course, the "but she's my sister" because "faaaamily". Its also weird to completely ignore your SO too whilst on these outings like they're not there. However, if you put in the work and seek couples therapy, it can be fixed in no time. Not to mention balance between SO and family. Sounds like he is dating his sister but needs you as a front to seem normal. Continuing to say sorry over and over probably wont have the effect you were hoping for. Honestly I think you can save your breath on this one. Of course, I should not ignore my wife but the fact of the matter is, my little girls are number one. But being the devil's advocate, OP didn't say for how long and how they started dating, unless I missed it. If you decide to stay together, then you need to set boundaries. You can have a whole dramatic conversation about it, but why? But when it comes to sisters, especially one with such closeness, I can guarantee you it is not gonna end well as you will be immediately seen as someone who is trying to drive a wedge between them.